I set out recently to define & size up "Metrosexual" as a lifestyle. It's a funny word with funny implications. Ha ha funny? Maybe. Here is what I found.
Wikipedia states that "Metrosexuality is the trait of an urbane man of any sexual orientation (usually heterosexual) who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. American trend spotter Marian Salzman coined the term in 1993." I like this best than the dictionary.com response, which I won't even get in to! Ok, it said "a heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and excessive interest in appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males". Bullshit. Both are bullshit. Only gay males have good taste?! And everybody knows Metrosexual is Not of "any sexual orientation", or they'd be called "Metrohomosexuals", or something like that.
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And what was the part about "spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle"? people often refer to me as a Metrosexual, & trust me I do not spend all day in front of the mirror, only ½ the day. I'm a Leo. Perhaps there should be subgenres of Metrosexuals classified? Metrosexual Leo, Metrosexual extreme, Metrosexual want to be homosexual, Metrosexual too much plucking, etc. Etc. Semi-Metrosexual? Like your socks match? Now there's a start. My boss... Metrosexual in denial. Yah, I'm talkin' to you. With your loafers & "real" shearling jacket. Ooh ooh- Metrosexual extreme Leo, I have the potential. Sheesh.
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And the money... Anybody hear of "bargain hunting"? Don't call me cheap because I never buy sell & I never buy cars new! Call me smart. I have omitted any Jewish references at my wife's urging. Hehe. Here's the first sign I'm a Metrosexual... I refuse to wear knockoffs. I will shop the Internet until I'm blue (in the face?) to find the real McCoy at ½ price. I'm up at 4 the morning after Thanksgiving for the sales. It's not easy being stylish. I am forced to dress like a geek at work to fit in. It pains me so. No offense other docker & button down collar It guys.
So anyway, maybe I just have style? Don't hate me bikers, hobos, garage rockers. It wasn't always so... (here's where you would hear the sound of my time machine) ddddlllllddddddlllllldddddddllllll. I once went to a job interview & they laughed at my Miami Vice jacket, 1987? . It was around this time that I received my first seed of Metro from a determined model, along with an unwanted "look at me, I'm in Duran Duran" phase. Right between my "look at me, I'm in Motley Crue" and my "look at me, I'm Bon Jovi" phases. These were followed by my "look at me, I'm an outlaw biker" phase where I of course almost lived in a scary minute place called "The Pony Bar", next to a strip joint on the west side of Albuquerque. Yes, the determined Post L.A. "I am not a poser" advent down.
So 30 rolled around, backup career, semi conformity, greed, envy, maturity, all the ugly minute enemies of the 20 something. At least in the circles I had swum. In my defense I want to interject that I did get my nose pierced post 30, the last rebel act of a man venturing into career amount ? 3? Computer Nerd. Yes, quite a jump, but you know the joke about the dissimilarity between a large pizza & a musician. No? I married my wife at 36, she 12 years my junior... Second rebel act? I can't pinpoint exactly where my bottle of Beam & Coors light turned into tasty Martinis. Or where my bicycle jacket multiplied in price & became the most recent Italian leather blazer. I do know that I was pushing 40 when I got my minute red sports car. I am pretty sure it was a year ago that I traded up to a house with an elegant, sufficient size Martini Lounge. And it was of course this very morning that I figured out the true meaning of Metrosexual... Drum roll please... Pop Star. As opposed to Rock Star. Think about it.
Don't fool yourselves fellas. And some rock stars have stylists I suppose, but what are they of course like? I mean at home when no one is looking. Do they think, "I need some new cool shoes"? It's Ok to look good & cut off your mullet. Pick up one of my popular Men's magazine & have a look. There are scantily clad women in there too! I love women, only women, I chop firewood & do other manly stuff, and I look good damn it. Gotta run, late for my hair appointment! What am I wearing? New cool shoes.
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